It's Friday, and I couldn't find another thread for this.

What's an anagram of the Banach Tarski paradox?
The Banach Banch Tarski Tarski paradox paradox.

My girlfriend asked is I could sing Wonderwall by Oasis. I replied "Maybe"...

I hear Boris Johnson may become Sir Johnson. Then London will have a bloody Knight Mayor.

They call it puppy love . Unfortunately, the judge called it gross indecency with an animal and gave me six months.

What did the fish say when it swam into the concrete wall? Dam!

My helium addiction is out of control but nobody is taking my cry for help seriously.

I am writing a film about someone who shoots his girlfriend whilst she is in his toilet. I am sure there is an Oscar in it...

The inventor of autocorrect has died. I didn't even know he was I'll. His funfair will be hello on Sundial.

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Déjáv!
Déjáv who?
Knock Knock!

Why couldn't the skeleton ask the girl out?

What type of coffee does Dracula drink?

Swedish bad jokes on a theme (badly translated by me)

How do you get an elephant into the fridge?



How do you know there is two elephants in the fridge?


How do you get a giraff into the fridge?


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Musican jokes (But maybe they are to good for here)

What is the difference between a bodhran player and a terrorist?


Why are viola jokes so short?


What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?


What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?


How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?


What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?


Then there was the mandolin player who got addicted to playing waltzes. It was so bad, he had to go into rehab.
It was a three-step program!

What's the biggest difference between an F style mando and an A style?

(Though if you touch my F-style mandolin (which I admit I can not play at all), I will get rather upset)

Female five string banjoist shouting at her boyfriend in a crowded shopping mall: "Don't forget, sweetheart, I need a new G string."

My grandfather went to school with MC Escher.

For Grandpa, the walk really was uphill both ways.

Virre's elephant jokes reminded me of these:

How does an elephant get up to a tree?



How does an elephant get down from a tree?



Why is it dangerous to walk in the woods during autumn?

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And there's also this:

How do you sink a Swedish submarine?

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Ah yes and in Sweden it is

How do you sink a Norweigan submarine

These jokes are all over the world. They always involved some neighboring nation. But several decades ago I was told by a Pole that in Poland they always involved Polish policemen. Is there anyone on this forum and confirm or deny that?

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Still officially AGA 5d but I play so irregularly these days that I am probably only 3d or 4d over the board (but hopefully still 5d in terms of knowledge, theory and the ability to contribute).

Well. while we're on the subject--

Why do elephants wear polka-dot sneakers?

Growing up in North Carolina, I heard similar jokes about Polish firing squads.

I have no idea why--there was not a significant Polish population where I lived, and unlike the significant racism towards African-Americans and Hispanics, I don't think anyone had any attitudes about Poles. That was just how the joke went.

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Occupy Babel!

I can confirm that.
Policemen were considered to be the dumbest of the dumb when I was young, in the communist times. No offense to any present-day polish policemen.

To give you some taste of polish "policeman jokes", here are a few:

"Abstract" jokes:
A policeman stands on the corner and thinks. (Supposed to be hilarious because policemen don't think.)
A policeman walks out of a library. (Supposed to be hilarious because policemen do not read.)
And so on...

Here is a more "normal" one:
A policeman walks by a pet store, there is an aquarium in the display. Some guy looks at the fish, moves his finger along the glass, and soon all the fishes follow his finger. "Hey, that's cool, how do you do it?" asks the policeman. "Its simple, the lower intelligence always mimics the higher intelligence" answers the guy. The guy walks off, leaving the policeman to look at the fishes. Pretty soon the policeman starts to open and close his mouth as if gasping for air...

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- Bantari
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WARNING: This post might contain Opinions!!

On that topic:

What's the contour integral around Western Europe?

How do you get to Wales in a Mini?



How do you get to Wales in a Mini?

German Americans?

I grew up in a Polish-American area (some of the old people still spoke Polish back then)and all they told were Polish jokes. I had a Mexican pen pal from Arizona, and they told the exact same jokes, except they were Spanish jokes.

Here's one of the stupid racist jokes from my childhood.

It was a really hot day. A guy was sitting in the shade when a white man walked past carrying an electric fan. "Why are you carrying that fan?" the guy asked. The white man said, "If I get too hot, all I have to do is find an electric outlet, plug the fan in and cool off."

A little while later, a black man walked by carrying a huge watermelon. "Why are you carrying that watermelon?" the guy asked. The black guy said, "If I get too hot, all I have to do is bust open this watermelon, eat some chilled goodness, and cool off."

A little while later, a Polish man walked by carrying a car door."Why are you carrying that car door?" the guy asked. The Polish man said, "If I get too hot, all I have to do is roll down the window and cool off."

I fell over in some purple flowers.

I must be more careful in the fuchsia.

When I was living in New Mexico there were, for unknown reasons, jokes about people from the city of Española. Here is one.

Two Española men were found frozen to death in January in their car at the local drive-in movie. They had gone to see Closed for the Season. They might have escaped from their car, but they had locked themselves in.

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The Adkins Principle:
At some point, doesn't thinking have to go on?
— Winona Adkins

Visualize whirled peas.

Everything with love. Stay safe.

Here is one that will work surprisingly often.

You: I got a good knock-knock joke. You wanna hear it?

Soon to be ex-friend: OK.

You: Say, "Knock knock."

Soon to be ex-friend: Knock knock.

You: Who's there?

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The Adkins Principle:
At some point, doesn't thinking have to go on?
— Winona Adkins

Visualize whirled peas.

Everything with love. Stay safe.

A narc-narc joke from the hippie days:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

J. Edgar Hoover.

Oh, wow!

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The Adkins Principle:
At some point, doesn't thinking have to go on?
— Winona Adkins

Visualize whirled peas.

Everything with love. Stay safe.