Another tactic is to ask her to help you replay a pro game. I've tried that before and it worked - we went through a few games, her playing white and me playing black and we would comment on moves, overall play and shape, etc.

Does she play? No. Does she seem terribly interested? Not really. But did she do it and seem to have a good time? Yes. She even made some comments herself, learned how to properly hold and place a stone, took stones off the board when they were captured on her own, etc.

I think the most important thing is, as others have mentioned, to explain why you love the game, why you find it interesting, etc. but also to try to get her interested without putting pressure on her.

Edit: I personally disagree with the "she's not interested, give it up" group. She's your girlfriend for a reason - sure, she may not LOVE playing, but if she is interested in you she will play or help when you ask her to. She may even ask you, sometimes. If it was your sister, brother, mother, father, then maybe give it up.

Yes, but relationships are a two way street. It's important to see things from the other person's perspective. From a go player's perspective, you may think like that: "If she's interested in me, she should appreciate go.".

But from a non-go playing partner's perspective, they might think something like: "He only plays go all day. If he's interested in me, he should spend more time with me.".

Each person's relationship is different, but I think that assuming that a significant other should be required to play a game you enjoy is a one-sided perspective.

It could just as easily be argued that, if you were interested enough in her, you'd give up the game and spend more time with her.

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be immersed

kirby: how is your wife? does she play baduk?

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"The more we think we know about
The greater the unknown"
Words by neil peart, music by geddy lee and alex lifeson

@everyone: Well, I'm not going to apply any pressure to get her to play or anything. Every now and then I'll ask, but I've decided to stop that too in favor of simply discussing my games that took place. I think one of the biggest things that turns her off about the game is that she can't instantly be great at it. She doesn't have the patience to lose. (I can't say much. At one point every loss frustrated me to no end. But I've since realized you learn more from a loss than a win.) But I think that is the primary issue.

@tapir & Laman: Actually, that's why I'd like her to play, so I can go to pair tournaments and stuff like that. But I might try seeing if she'd like to learn with someone else rather than simply trying to play against me and getting overwhelmed.

@daal: I do talk about it quite a bit. I told her about my amazing 16-18K battles all the time. (Although, to some, they're not amazing.) She seemed interested in those stories, so I guess it's a start! lol

@zinger: The funny part is, most of her hobbies are things we both enjoy.

@Chewtarr: I might try that strategy...

@dfan: Right, right. I played against igowin myself, and I know that is a useful tool. I keep forgetting about that one. And I'm tryijng the HnG thing now.

@iambadatgo: Good idea! I never thought of having her review games with me. Then again, I could perhaps have her do that with the games I played (so it means more), and point out the same things you pointed out.

@Kirby: Well, I'd never have a perspective like that. I respect the decision she has to not play, and by no means do I feel like that she is bad for choosing not to. We have a lot of hobbies that we share: video games, story writing, rping, ect. I just find that Go is my biggest hobby (and I'm probably such a low level because I have so many hobbies lol).

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Slava Ukraini!

She was taught go around kindergarten, I think, but she didn't have a huge interest in it. I think she said that there was some teacher that came into the classroom and taught everyone the basics of the game.

She knows that I like go a lot, so she gets me go stuff sometimes, but she's not really big into playing. We are actually both very competitive, so we typically don't play against one another.

She's probably about 15k or so, I think. I have an ipod application for go problems, and she likes doing some of the easy problems on there, somtimes. But I know that it is because of me - not because of her own interest.

I subscribe to a Korean go magazine, and she reads it sometimes. She is usually more interested in go news than the game. She liked reading an interview from when Lee Changho got married. She also likes Cho Hunhyun.

So I think she knows some things about go, but she is not really that interested in playing. Most go related things that she does are because of me.

I think she likes omok better.

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be immersed

When my wife was my girlfriend, I tried introducing her to the game. I'm not sure if it was at my prompting, because at one point she said she really would like to learn because I was so devoted to the game. She played a few games, played igowin a few times, but got discouraged and didn't enjoy it. It's been years since she did more than have me point at the screen and say "this group here is strong, so I want to attack..."

Once in awhile, she'll express concern that there's this thing I care about so much that she doesn't have any interest in, but in practice it's no problem, and I don't think she usually does worry. She's usually willing to listen when I talk about a game I played, and as far as taking up time, it doesn't matter whether it's go or something else. Being ignored doesn't feel good no matter how important the thing you're being ignored for is. Conversely, every couple eventually benefits from some amount of time pursuing individual interests. You can only spend 23 hours together most days.

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Occupy Babel!

What use is a girlfriend who doesn't play Go?

Is that meant in a "ha ha" way, or literally? <<

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Slava Ukraini!

I would tell you but it's a family friendly board

Seriously though, Hailthorn, if you share common interests/hobbies that's good news. No harm in having one thing to do on your own.

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Main Entry: zing·er Pronunciation: \ˈziŋ-ər\
1 : something causing or meant to cause interest, surprise, or shock
2 : a pointed witty remark or retort

I'm lucky because my partner LIKES to play Go. However, it was only when she came with me to a Go seminar and played other people that her interest really took off. She found her love of Go on her own and all I did was point the way.

If you have a club in your area, maybe you can ask her to tag along one night. She might be more inspired by the community than the game itself.

You also might try playing Atari Go instead of a full-handicap game. It's a fun game and it shows you the basics of Go in a quick and easy manner. Your girlfriend may find it more enjoyable and less intimidating than a 19x19 game.

I think you support my argument rather than argue against it. Relationships are a two-way street, so any serious relationship should have either person interested (or at least feigning interest ) in the some of the other's hobbies - especially the important ones. For example, my fiancee loves gardening, but as a germophobic clean-freak I am not a fan at all. But I still do it - I still go with her to the stores to help pick out plants, I still go outside and do work with her. She's an architect, so she loves art and architecture. I'm not the biggest fan, but I take her to art museums, or to see neat architecture, and if I am ever somewhere with "significant" architecture and she isn't there I make sure to take pictures. But just as you point out, it is a two-way street and I feel she should show some interest in my hobbies and passions as well.

And with that, I know that she isn't going to pick up Invincible, study it and become 5p. But even if she is not interested, if I were to ask her, "Would you be interested in replaying a pro match with me sometime this week?" she would say yes - and that is my point. Just like if your wife asked you to do something with her that she enjoys, she should also reciprocate. Playing go and living go are two different things - we cannot expect or even ask our significant others to live go. But we can ask them to take part in our experience with it.

I guess it's up to you whether taking part in the experience is a requirement for your significant other

It looks like you've found a balance in your relationship, though, so that's cool.

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be immersed

Unfortunately, I live in an area where there is no set Go club. It's really frustrating. Because you're right, having her come with me to something like that if she wanted to might help her get interested as well. But even still, I wish we had something in my area. I even contacted the AGA about how I could get something going since I'm a member, but they haven't contacted me back.

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Slava Ukraini!

hola

there are a dozens of games that you can play using your go equipment and many are very simple and fast. Not too many people are willing to engage in a game so complex and slow like go... but maybe if you introduce her to games like gomoku or pente it is possible you can generate some interest to the game of go in the long run.

I can't make the love of my life to play go BUT she really likes to play othello and yinsh with me, games that enjoy too and I can share with her.

¡suerte!

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si no puedes triunfar, muere gloriosamente

Yeah, don't even try it. The only thing I can do with go for some people is use it as an inside joke. eg. they get off work early or something and I'll say, "Great! You'll have some time to study go!" knowing that they really don't like go. I feel I might be able to recruit at least one person, but I need to go through extra effort to get them to the club.

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TucsonGo.org - Play Go in Tucson
We meet twice a week, visit us!

my wife try to take me shopping when we got married.
i love my wife but i dont think i will ever love shopping with her.
enough said!

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"The more we think we know about
The greater the unknown"
Words by neil peart, music by geddy lee and alex lifeson

Aw man, so many things to comment on and quote!

Suffice to say, everyone has relationship advice (and anecdotes), always.

My wife and I are both very competitive. We're not good at playing together in any game.

However, we both love puzzles. Chess puzzles are the current thing we do together, which is fun.

My wife knows how to play both Go and Chess. We have played Chess twice, and stand at 1-1. We'll leave it at that (it's been over 5 years now). She knows I love Go, and Chess, and Magic: the Gathering, and Soccer (though I don't follow much of the Premier League, or MLS, or anything National or International; I just play as much as I can in Rec leagues), and Video Games. She shares none of these interests (and there are a ton more). I share very few of her interests.

The key to our relationship is that we respect each other's interests. If we didn't understand each other in this way and give the space needed, we'd probably never interact at all (well, ALMOST never ).



True words! Though, I still go with mine ... she deserves some time for all the time she allows me to do my own thing.

I called my gf overe to look through some of this thread with me. She laughed. I think she feels more at ease now knowing that there are women around the world who have to deal with the same issues she does.

Actually, my wife's been talking about making a website for wives (or significant others) of go players. She wanted to call it Akiko.com, after Toya Meijin's wife in Hikaru no Go.

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be immersed

Yin/Yang - My universe is balanced because I play go and my wife doesn't.

Earlier in my marriage I tried briefly to interest her in go. Now that I look back, I think it was more to validate my one esoteric hobby. I mean I've played strategy games my whole life. I can't exactly go into a sports bar a strike up an interesting conversation about my passion for go. I have to stick with the Denver Broncos.

So, having my wife think go is cool enough to learn to play would have been the equivalent of the most important person in my life saying, "I think your strange little 2,500-year-old Chinese board game is the coolest thing ever."

Today, I.m just tickled that my wife doesn't groan when I say I'm taking an occasional evening to go to the club to play. Once in a while she even asks how it went. She shows me her paintings when she comes home from an art class; and occasionally, I comment on a hard-won game from my club night. We both smile, nod our heads and are glad that we are happy together, even though our hobbies are black and white

By the way, two of my daughters play a little go with me now and again. I think it may be more of a way to get one-on-one daddy time. But, I'm okay with that, too. I've recently started watching the Hikaru series again on Hulu with my 9 nine-year-old daughter. I'm feeling lucky about that. I figure I'm ahead by a point or two. No need to go after the big group in the middle

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RazorBrain


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