Haha please don't mistake me for Khel or rank obsessed babbies, I just want to play a game of Go and think about my moves and how they can benefit me.

Why are you discussing high school football in a go forum?

Also, it sounds like you are mixing a bit of anxiety about your ability in here. You mentioned that sometimes you don't even understand why you lost, have you tried asking stronger players for help? Reviewing the game afterwards or posting questions on this forum? That's one of the most rewarding things I've gotten from the game: having an idea, trying it out and seeing what went wrong and really learning something new from a stronger player if I couldn't figure out the problem on my own.

Don't worry so much about winning or losing, about being good or bad at the game, and about understanding everything. Just play for fun, nobody is handing out grades or anything

That's what I was doing, but there's a huge ridiculous hierarchy, and they do hand out grades. I've played on IGS and sometimes it says I'm a 17 kyu and sometimes it says I'm beginner class, but for some reason IGS doesn't start at 30 kyu, anyway it's just an internet site it's probably meaningless anyway.

If you treat ranks like grades, then it sounds like you are the one who is very competitive. You don't have to think of ranks that way. One nice way to think of ranks is that your rank tells you who else would be fun to play against. It's usually more fun to play against someone who's a similar rank to you

There's a difference between being nice and being honest. And you weren't honest. If the ranks were designed that way they wouldn't be numerical according to who is better, they'd be about style of play or something.

There's a difference between being nice and being honest. And you weren't honest. If the ranks were designed that way they wouldn't be numerical according to who is better, they'd be about style of play or something.

I'm being completely honest. I hope I didn't offend you! I really just want to spread my love of this game!

I don't see any reason that you should let your rank/ability make you unhappy. Every game/sport has rankings/scores measured with numbers. You can choose to measure your worth by that number, but you can also choose to have fun no matter what your number is. You can try to improve that number because you love the game and think that at a higher number, you will enjoy the game more. Or you can decided that you don't enjoy studying and prefer not to improve.

Any game works this way. You can be very competitive at Scrabble and try to optimize every play and memorize all the 2 letter words. Or you can just play for fun with friends and family and use normal words you think of in the moment. If you measure your worth by your score, then you'll do the first method, but you don't have to, the second one is fine, right?

Well, my usual complaint remains, as it did with chess, which I didn't play but my brother did and won a few trophies when he was a boy, the absurd elitism of the players. Perhaps this complaint is unfounded and based on an irrational fear of people, or simply my unfamiliarity with the culture. Don't know. Perhaps I am the elitist here, for not taking someone's amazing talent seriously enough.

However, I have always felt that there was a certain nightmare quality of taking something fun, and then exalting it to the point where it is no longer fun anymore, because only the game is important anymore, and winning, instead of just, a good way to spend free time. Perhaps I'm just worrying too much though. My main outlook on life has always been to always look on the bright side of life. Maybe that's something I just find humorous. Isn't the amount of competition there is what is fun about it, in the end, after all?

I suppose these anxieties come from being told that I was fairly good at the game. I just started playing a lot though, maybe a year ago. I feel like I don't understand the game at all. Even when I win I don't quite understand the strategy that I used, because I play intuitively and quickly. I also don't know if it was the right strategy, or what strategy is even going on. I suppose I understand that there's something going on about a delicate balance of what is important and what is not. But even if I win I still feel that what I did is almost completely incomprehensible to me.

Well, ridiculous maybe... A bit existential angsty.

I don't see football anywhere in his post. Maybe I'm blind.