...I am going to post them in here.
I used to play chess when I was younger. I got to about 1600 USCF, then tapered off at the age of 11. I used to get very nervous playing, and I would feel an immense pressure to win. I was not good at handling losses. And I bring this up to say that I am still not. Something about the no-luck factor makes me feel miserable when I lose, and when I lose at go.
Even worse than this feeling is the nerves I get when I think about playing another game. You'll notice in this game I am a 6k(?), because I haven't played in a week or so. Part of that is for lack of time. But, I will also admit that as I get stronger, I am getting more and more nervous about the way I play. And this nervousness dissuades me from playing in my free time.
All of this is to say that my journal will be a reason for me to persist in playing. I always enjoy reading feedback, and improving myself. But I need to work on overcoming nerves as well.
I have a go tournament later this month. I would like to be more confident in my abilities by then, but who can say.
What I notice in my game is the following: When I was a DDK, I thought anyone 9k or stronger was unstoppable. Now I am around 7k, and I play like an idiot. I'm not sure if this is because a). My ranking should be much worse or b). SDK isn't actually all that strong. On one hand, I've beaten a few 6-8 kyus, which suggests that I'm maybe where I ought to be rankwise (disputing (a)). Maybe a KGS ranking is weak compared to the "true" value of the rank. Or, is it possible that I'm just barely good enough to start realizing how terrible I am at the game? I am not asking rhetorically, I honestly don't know.
I bring this up as a precursor to the following game. I played this tonight at black, and I did terribly. I know I did.
is a mistake, and I knew it was dumb before I played it. I just wanted to see how. And I feel the sequence beginning with 
was incredibly poorly played. I should have played smarter moves to keep the tension, and possibly gain something more than the handful of points I managed to scavenge by game's end. Instead, I feel as though I played into my opponent's hand. Moves like 
169 are that of a beginner, and I played them because I forgot white already had two eyes. I suppose I'd like to be at a level where I can make good moves and bad moves, not childish blunders. And for another thing, I am terrible at counting. I had no idea just how far behind I was by game's end. I knew I had lost, but I imagined by maybe 30 points. Not 50!
So, I submit to the forum: Please help me improve my game. Despite my nerves when I play, I am always very eager to see where I can improve.
Here is my first game. May it be followed by many more:
| Attachments: |
6k_loss.sgf [5.45 KiB]
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Unusual. o17 is a possibility.
P4. If you jump, you have to read W's push and cut.
What's your plan if W cuts at o3 now ?
P10 -- "get ahead" of your opponent.
Reckless; total disregard of your weak group. Jump out to o9.
Confused. o9.
Misclick, or confused ? Locally, connect S5.
Ah, confused about the status of this group --
is a good idea, just something for me to try out.
Is there a better way to reduce white's corner? Maybe my attachment was a poor idea.
at f15 was a misclick. My opponent let me take it back. 
118 has to atari from the other direction, no?
Solid; perhaps too solid. Usually, vicinity of K17.
Usually, C14 or D14.
You basically lost a move. ( See 
Jealous/panic, perhaps. F4 is fine.
Misread ? You're hurting your own corner.
Don't follow your opponent around like a lost puppy. C5 very nice profit.
Not good. P3 is better.
Misread ? L3 empty triangle.
Similar problem as 
You've wasted another move.
, 
You wasted two more moves to capture a completely useless stone.
Again, not looking at the whole picture: the cut at P4.
Again, capturing a useless stone. ( Re: 
Did you notice W is starting to have a weak group ?
Reminiscent of 
Cut. Again, please see 
in the first place. Or rather, playing