So so so.
I'm getting more and more back in shape and I think I might be back at the level I was before I took a break.
Some things I've been trying to improve these last few days and hoping to keep doing for the future:
- Online play:
use more time. It's better. I play slower and read things out. Still only about half compared to irl, but it's better.
-
Enjoy every aspect of Go. When I feel like doing tsumego (it's fun!) I do that. When I want to play, I play. When I don't want to, I don't do it. It sounds so easy but I used to force myself to do things at a certain time when I didn't feel like it.
Especially playing online. Now I play less games, perhaps, but I play them seriously, review them AND play them with much more motivation than before. I actually get excited about playing.
- Taking it easy. More and more realizing Go is a long-term (lifelong?) hobby that I needn't rush through. You're never done learning it so why should I rush? It's a bad habit I have from other hobbies where you can, in fact, reach the "finish line". Then I speed through it and "complete" it (like reading a book). But I realize now that I'll never be "finished" with Go,
you can never reach a summit in Go, because it goes on endless. So why should I rush anything? I'll get better as I get better.
- Endgame is fun and mostly screwed up because it's the end of the game and the concentration or patience is gone. Whenever I review a game I played after taking a rest, I cringe at some of the moves in the endgame.
Keeping a cool head throughout the ENTIRE game is not easy.
-
Go is like an RPG. You have like 20+ skills, each with their own level you can train. Then you have your overall level, your ranking. Yesterday I finally learned more about double hane (when it's more effective, when not...). I realized this might not impact my overall level much atm. But it does increase my "double-hane" skillset from 20/100 to 40/100 (

) or something. If other skills go up slightly, too, your overall level goes up one point.
Playing someone of about the same overall level can be highly interesting. Because that person might have totally different skillsets. Maybe he has 60/100 fighting compared to your 20/100, but less in other areas.
I like RPG's, it makes me nostalgic.

Lastly:
- Even though I've always tried not to care too much about rank, and mostly succeeding, I've taken another step in not caring about it. And that's important to me, because I want to care 0%, and I still care 10 or 15%.
Right now, though, I am constantly looking for better players to play, even though I keep losing. But it keeps me sharp and makes me better. It doesn't do my rank a lick of good, but I don't care. I wouldn't want to play weaker players just to keep my rank.
The only time it makes me care a little, even if I don't want it, is when I do play even players. Then sometimes I get a bit "scared" of losing. Maybe not directly because I'm afraid of my rank, but because then I'll feel: oh no, I should've won this game because we're the same rank. Which is stupid because same rank means 50% chance of winning. So still need a little attitude adjustment there!