Yeah, the subject is to be taken literally ^^ I feel lost in all recent games. I don't know where to play, when to play big moves, how to defend or attack correctly... generally it seems I don't know anything anymore : /
Maybe someone has some pointers for these two games, where I went wrong and what possibilities I had?
(;GM[1]FF[4]CA[UTF-8]AP[CGoban:3]ST[2]
RU[Japanese]SZ[19]HA[3]KM[0.50]TM[900]OT[5x30 byo-yomi]
PW[SoDesuNe]PB[Opponent]WR[1k]BR[4k]DT[2012-05-22]PC[The KGS Go Server at http://www.gokgs.com/]AB[pd][dp][pp]C[SoDesuNe [1k]: hi, gg
]RE[B+8.50]
;W[cd]WL[895.871]C[Opponent [4k]: hi
]
;B[qn]BL[894.359]
;W[nc]WL[891.014]
;B[qf]BL[892.358]
;W[cn]WL[888.086]
;B[fq]BL[890.397]
;W[ic]WL[883.557]
;B[kq]BL[887.733]
;W[dj]WL[849.093]
;B[pj]BL[885.894]
;W[pq]WL[820.901]
;B[qq]BL[882.95]
;W[oq]WL[818.548]
;B[qr]BL[881.271]
;W[op]WL[817.234]
;B[mq]BL[872.209]
;W[po]WL[806.301]
;B[qp]BL[870.51]
;W[pn]WL[767.939]
;B[qm]BL[841.339]
;W[mo]WL[730.119]
;B[iq]BL[834.782]
;W[cq]WL[723.608]
;B[cp]BL[832.174]
;W[bp]WL[721.664]
;B[bo]BL[829.646]
;W[bq]WL[718.553]
;B[co]BL[828.173]
;W[er]WL[717.112]
;B[eq]BL[825.213]
;W[fr]WL[712.22]
;B[gr]BL[823.209]
;W[dq]WL[710.543]
;B[eo]BL[818.573]
;W[qc]WL[685.838]
;B[qd]BL[814.89]
;W[pc]WL[682.127]
;B[fc]BL[812.026]
;W[dc]WL[672.569]
;B[fe]BL[806.482]
;W[df]WL[666.07]
;B[cj]BL[800.518]
;W[fg]WL[661.808]
;B[he]BL[794.749]
;W[ck]WL[651.7]
;B[ci]BL[792.115]
;W[dk]WL[644.237]
;B[cg]BL[779.053]
;W[cf]WL[635.808]
;B[eh]BL[771.843]
;W[eg]WL[579.337]
;B[ei]BL[760.698]
;W[fk]WL[574.324]
;B[gi]BL[757.968]
;W[hg]WL[555.74]
;B[gh]BL[752.803]
;W[gg]WL[550.711]
;B[je]BL[750.686]
;W[hk]WL[535.842]
;B[ii]BL[745.884]
;W[jk]WL[495.48]
;B[kh]BL[742.302]
;W[bn]WL[460.304]
;B[ao]BL[735.516]
;W[jg]WL[442.794]
;B[kc]BL[727.492]
;W[ji]WL[428.305]
;B[ij]BL[716.589]
;W[jj]WL[417.481]
;B[ih]BL[701.875]
;W[jh]WL[415.209]
;B[ig]BL[700.067]
;W[if]WL[413.737]
;B[ik]BL[689.738]
;W[il]WL[412.215]
;B[hj]BL[682.399]
;W[gk]WL[389.106]
;B[dg]BL[679.053]
;W[ee]WL[378.913]
;B[hh]BL[673.687]
;W[di]WL[313.662]
;B[dh]BL[664.269]
;W[bi]WL[291.881]
;B[bh]BL[658.796]
;W[bj]WL[289.49]
;B[bf]BL[653.693]
;W[be]WL[287.305]
;B[ag]BL[651.036]
;W[ch]WL[281.573]
;B[ci]BL[648.193]
;W[ie]WL[260.192]
;B[ib]BL[641.873]
;W[id]WL[215.664]
;B[hb]BL[638.83]
;W[lb]WL[198.921]
;B[kb]BL[634.256]
;W[lc]WL[191.177]
;B[kd]BL[628.842]
;W[lf]WL[180.788]
;B[le]BL[625.768]
;W[me]WL[154.763]
;B[eb]BL[621.061]
;W[db]WL[146.753]
;B[jc]BL[600.106]
;W[qh]WL[88.517]
;B[pg]BL[592.829]
;W[pi]WL[31.64]
;B[oi]BL[584.063]
;W[qj]WL[30.084]
;B[ph]BL[581.353]
;W[qi]WL[20.81]
;B[pk]BL[578.773]
;W[rl]WL[12.027]
;B[ql]BL[575.085]
;W[rm]WL[8.067]
;B[rn]BL[572.67]
;W[qk]WL[5.746]
;B[rg]BL[568.238]
;W[rh]WL[30]OW[5]
;B[sm]BL[561.76]
;W[rk]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[sj]BL[558.892]
;W[si]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[rj]BL[551.536]
;W[qg]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[rf]BL[549.295]
;W[pl]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[oj]BL[542.335]
;W[ol]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[nh]BL[536.252]
;W[of]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[pf]BL[532.013]
;W[rd]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[re]BL[528.839]
;W[rc]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[mj]BL[517.72]
;W[fn]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[en]BL[511.335]
;W[em]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[jf]BL[500.206]
;W[hf]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[jo]BL[484.198]
;W[kf]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[ke]BL[479.296]
;W[mf]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[nr]BL[472.997]
;W[og]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[oh]BL[469.885]
;W[ml]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[oe]BL[464.195]
;W[mg]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[mh]BL[458.984]
;W[ga]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[ha]BL[454.106]
;W[ea]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[gb]BL[451.763]
;W[fa]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[fb]BL[449.177]
;W[da]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[ja]BL[442.96]
;W[la]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[ka]BL[441.031]
;W[go]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[gp]BL[438.473]
;W[ho]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[or]BL[435.504]
;W[pr]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[ps]BL[433.861]
;W[kn]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[jn]BL[431.897]
;W[jm]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[lk]BL[427.231]
;W[an]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[fs]BL[424.615]
;W[ds]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[ar]BL[414.961]
;W[bs]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[ll]BL[408.695]
;W[km]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[lm]BL[406.548]
;W[ln]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[mm]BL[404.83]
;W[nn]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[md]BL[393.809]
;W[mc]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[nd]BL[380.132]
;W[kg]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[in]BL[366.78]
;W[gm]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[dn]BL[357.62]
;W[dm]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[fo]BL[343.611]
;W[hp]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[hq]BL[340.444]
;W[lp]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[lq]BL[334.799]
;W[nm]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[hn]BL[331.371]
;W[gn]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[ap]BL[325.383]
;W[aq]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[np]BL[316.386]
;W[oo]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[nk]BL[312.921]
;W[nl]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[ae]BL[303.916]
;W[ad]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[af]BL[301.32]
;W[lh]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[li]BL[297.407]
;W[ki]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[kl]BL[293.386]
;W[gd]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[fd]BL[289.811]
;W[ge]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[ff]BL[287.744]
;W[ef]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[hc]BL[284.925]
;W[hd]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[ed]BL[282.689]
;W[dd]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[pm]BL[269.49]
;W[qo]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[ro]BL[267.377]
;W[kp]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[jp]BL[264.167]
;W[oc]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[no]BL[256.672]
;W[mn]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[hm]BL[251.602]
;W[hl]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[ej]BL[241.439]
;W[od]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[pe]BL[238.11]
;W[kj]WL[30]OW[2]
;B[lj]BL[235.542]
;W[ek]WL[30]OW[2]
;B[gs]BL[231.147]
;W[es]WL[30]OW[2]
;B[ko]BL[210.05]
;W[ai]WL[30]OW[2]
;B[ah]BL[206.887]
;W[ne]WL[30]OW[2]
;B[ld]BL[202.865]
;W[ng]WL[30]OW[2]
;B[ip]BL[197.3]
;W[se]WL[30]OW[2]
;B[sf]BL[193.69]
;W[sd]WL[30]OW[2]
;B[nq]BL[156.182]
;W[on]WL[30]OW[2]
;B[ch]BL[144.531]
;W[cj]WL[30]OW[2]
;B[rq]BL[120.381]
;W[ok]WL[30]OW[2]
;B[mk]BL[116.659]
;W[jl]WL[30]OW[2]
(;B[]BL[116.658]
;W[]WL[30]OW[2]TW[aa][ba][ca][ma][na][oa][pa][qa][ra][sa][ab][bb][cb][mb][nb][ob][pb][qb][rb][sb][ac][bc][cc][sc][bd][ce][de][he][nf][lg][kh][aj][ak][bk][al][bl][cl][dl][el][fl][gl][am][bm][cm][fm][ar][br][cr][dr][as][cs]TB[ia][jb][qe][bg][qg][sg][qh][rh][sh][hi][mi][ni][pi][qi][ri][si][nj][qj][qk][rk][sk][rl][sl][rm][sn][do][so][ep][fp][rp][sp][gq][jq][sq][hr][ir][jr][kr][lr][mr][rr][sr][hs][is][js][ks][ls][ms][ns][os][qs][rs][ss]C[SoDesuNe [2k]: Thx
Opponent [4k]: thx
])
(;B[]BL[116.657]
;W[]WL[30]OW[2]TW[aa][ba][ca][ma][na][oa][pa][qa][ra][sa][ab][bb][cb][mb][nb][ob][pb][qb][rb][sb][ac][bc][cc][sc][bd][ce][de][he][nf][lg][kh][aj][ak][bk][al][bl][cl][dl][el][fl][gl][am][bm][cm][fm][ar][br][cr][dr][as][cs]TB[ia][jb][qe][bg][qg][sg][qh][rh][sh][hi][mi][ni][pi][qi][ri][si][nj][qj][qk][rk][sk][rl][sl][rm][sn][do][so][ep][fp][rp][sp][gq][jq][sq][hr][ir][jr][kr][lr][mr][rr][sr][hs][is][js][ks][ls][ms][ns][os][qs][rs][ss]))
(;GM[1]FF[4]CA[UTF-8]AP[CGoban:3]ST[2]
RU[Japanese]SZ[19]KM[0.50]TM[900]OT[5x30 byo-yomi]
PW[Chris]PB[Gegner]WR[1k]BR[2k]DT[2012-05-17]PC[The KGS Go Server at http://www.gokgs.com/]C[Opponent [2k]: Hi.
SoDesuNe [1k]: hi, gg
]RE[B+5.50]
;B[pd]BL[895.144]
;W[dp]WL[897.281]
;B[qp]BL[891.607]
;W[dc]WL[895.075]
;B[fq]BL[887.563]
;W[hq]WL[891.246]
;B[nq]BL[885.159]
;W[kq]WL[884.022]
;B[cq]BL[849.487]
;W[dq]WL[880.244]
;B[cp]BL[846.92]
;W[do]WL[878.324]
;B[dr]BL[845.302]
;W[er]WL[877.485]
;B[cr]BL[843.46]
;W[eq]WL[876.359]
;B[cn]BL[842.274]
;W[qj]WL[858.359]
;B[ql]BL[814.705]
;W[qf]WL[855.266]
;B[nc]BL[804.822]
;W[rd]WL[811.626]
;B[qh]BL[773.631]
;W[of]WL[730.9]
;B[pi]BL[746.75]
;W[pj]WL[681.183]
;B[ni]BL[711.892]
;W[oj]WL[678.183]
;B[ng]BL[708.307]
;W[pl]WL[655.653]
;B[pn]BL[647.604]
;W[qm]WL[633.274]
;B[pm]BL[643.93]
;W[rl]WL[592.128]
;B[qc]BL[639.936]
;W[nf]WL[578.878]
;B[lg]BL[588.468]
;W[mf]WL[574.314]
;B[mg]BL[583.464]
;W[ke]WL[508.247]
;B[kc]BL[508.668]
;W[jg]WL[473.437]
;B[ol]BL[504.389]
;W[qk]WL[467.883]
;B[nj]BL[472.513]
;W[nk]WL[448.656]
;B[mk]BL[451.564]
;W[ml]WL[431.804]
;B[ll]BL[424.152]
;W[mj]WL[405.407]
;B[lk]BL[421.533]
;W[oi]WL[398.726]
;B[oh]BL[409.884]
;W[mi]WL[390.236]
;B[nh]BL[406.647]
;W[ki]WL[366.654]
;B[ok]BL[370.462]
;W[pk]WL[343.906]
;B[nl]BL[362.767]
;W[jc]WL[341.271]
;B[lf]BL[202.061]
;W[le]WL[339.035]
;B[me]BL[199.537]
;W[md]WL[337.607]
;B[ne]BL[198.046]
;W[nd]WL[336.786]
;B[oe]BL[196.706]
;W[od]WL[335.7]
;B[pe]BL[195.583]
;W[oc]WL[334.317]
;B[ld]BL[148.086]
;W[kd]WL[240.75]
;B[lc]BL[145.422]
;W[mc]WL[237.803]
;B[nb]BL[105.649]
;W[mb]WL[208.389]
;B[ob]BL[103.445]
;W[pb]WL[182.257]
;B[qb]BL[81.73]
;W[na]WL[169.822]
;B[dn]BL[15.676]
;W[en]WL[164.307]
;B[em]BL[30]OB[5]
;W[fn]WL[160.744]
;B[dl]BL[30]OB[5]
;W[ce]WL[134.04]
;B[fm]BL[30]OB[5]
;W[gn]WL[129.426]
;B[ch]BL[30]OB[5]
;W[pq]WL[99.569]
;B[pp]BL[30]OB[5]
;W[nr]WL[54.195]
;B[oq]BL[30]OB[5]
;W[or]WL[39.33]
;B[mq]BL[30]OB[5]
;W[mr]WL[36.329]
;B[cc]BL[30]OB[5]
;W[cd]WL[9.196]
;B[db]BL[30]OB[5]
;W[cb]WL[0.577]
;B[ec]BL[30]OB[5]
;W[bc]WL[30]OW[5]
;B[dd]BL[30]OB[5]
;W[cc]WL[30]OW[5]
;B[ic]BL[30]OB[5]
;W[jd]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[hb]BL[30]OB[4]
;W[jb]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[hf]BL[30]OB[4]
;W[hh]WL[30]OW[2]
;B[ff]BL[30]OB[3]
;W[dg]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[di]BL[30]OB[3]
;W[fh]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[gc]BL[30]OB[2]
;W[rh]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[rg]BL[30]OB[2]
;W[ri]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[qg]BL[30]OB[2]
;W[sg]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[sf]BL[30]OB[2]
;W[sh]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[rf]BL[30]OB[2]
;W[qq]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[lq]BL[30]OB[2]
;W[lr]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[kp]BL[30]OB[2]
;W[jp]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[jq]BL[30]OB[2]
;W[kr]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[jo]BL[30]OB[2]
;W[ip]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ko]BL[30]OB[2]
;W[cg]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[bh]BL[30]OB[2]
;W[rp]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ro]BL[30]OB[2]
;W[rq]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[es]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[fs]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ds]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[fr]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ae]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[ag]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[bg]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[bf]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[af]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[ad]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ah]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[rn]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[qn]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[so]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[pc]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[oa]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ij]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[jh]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[io]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[ho]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[hm]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[gm]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[hl]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[qo]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[po]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[qa]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[rb]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[co]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[bo]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[hn]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[in]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[hj]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[kj]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[li]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ii]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[eb]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[fb]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[da]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[fd]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[hk]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ik]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[hi]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[id]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[ie]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[he]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[ee]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ed]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[ef]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[fj]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[fe]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ge]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[ib]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[fa]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[fk]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ek]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[fl]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[el]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[ra]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[sb]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[qi]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ph]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[dh]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ci]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[ei]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ej]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[if]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ji]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[kh]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ih]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[ig]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[hg]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[kf]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[gl]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[gg]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[gf]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[gk]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[fi]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[eh]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ia]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[lj]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[kk]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[ja]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ha]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[fg]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[hd]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[be]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ag]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[ea]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[de]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[df]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[sa]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[pa]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ro]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[dj]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[cj]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[qo]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[gi]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[gh]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ro]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[bn]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[bm]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[qo]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[ro]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[]BL[30]OB[1]
;W[]WL[30]OW[1]TW[aa][ba][ca][ka][la][ma][ab][bb][db][kb][lb][nb][ob][ac][kc][lc][nc][bd][ld][je][cf][jf][eg][si][rj][sj][rk][sk][ql][sl][rm][sm][sn][eo][fo][go][ep][fp][gp][hp][sp][fq][gq][iq][jq][sq][gr][hr][ir][jr][pr][qr][rr][sr][gs][hs][is][js][ks][ls][ms][ns][os][ps][qs][rs][ss]TB[ga][gb][fc][hc][rc][sc][gd][qd][rd][sd][qe][re][se][mf][nf][of][pf][qf][og][pg][ai][bi][aj][bj][dj][jj][ak][bk][ck][dk][jk][nk][al][bl][cl][il][jl][kl][ml][am][cm][dm][im][jm][km][lm][mm][nm][om][an][bn][jn][kn][ln][mn][nn][on][ao][lo][mo][no][oo][ap][bp][lp][mp][np][op][aq][bq][ar][br][as][bs][cs]C[SoDesuNe [1k]: thx
Opponent [1k]: Thank you.
])
Some crude and stupid moves I found myself, but I still feel I don't see the greater picture right now.