Looking back over the post-game commentary in a few of the games I've played here, I see that I'm sometimes distressed that I didn't read more carefully during the game. I played something silly and without thought. Considering how long I've played this game, that I've done go problems in the past, and that I've seen a lot of tesujis, there is really no reason for me not to...
. Yes, I could study more, and yes I could try to learn more. But when I'm playing a game, I play a lot of slack - and I should care more.
I've always liked the quote by O Rissei 9d, given above. I don't remember what
was at all, and to me, it wasn't the point. The point struck me in the last sentence - the move was the same move on the board, but in terms of
.
So what is this "content" that exists in moves? What gives a move content, and what makes a move... empty? The answer - that which makes a "world of difference" in one's play - must lie in the essence of being a seeker of truth. It must be found not on the board where
never changes. The answer must be found outside of the board... And I guess, within myself. My plan and my strategy behind my moves... That is what gives a move content. Not the fact that I played
, and not the fact that I incidentally captured my opponent and won the game without having had any premonition of the event.
So I want to discover what this "world of difference" is. I want to experience the feeling of living on the other side. And I want to play that way in my games.
With these thoughts in mind, I began a game today. Faced with the empty board, I said to myself that I wanted to play a game that was meaningful. I wanted to play on the side that makes, as O Rissei 9d stated, a "world of difference". And did I experience it?
(;GM[1]FF[4]CA[UTF-8]ST[2]
RU[Japanese]SZ[19]KM[0.50]TM[1500]OT[5x30 byo-yomi]
PW[me]PB[opponent]WR[1k]BR[2k]DT[2013-06-24]C[I played white this game.]RE[W+Resign]
;B[pd]BL[1492.459]
;W[dp]WL[1494.276]
;B[pp]BL[1490.266]
;W[dd]WL[1491.312]
;B[nc]BL[1487.426]C[I'll split him up at R10.]
;W[qj]WL[1470.938]
;B[ql]BL[1476.428]C[Hmm. I like approaching R14 better than R13. But I need a plan. What is my plan?
If I R13, a natural move for around my level of play would be R15 to prevent a slide into the corner. If he does that, it's natural for me to help the R10 group.
So... I will do R13, he will likely do R15. Then I will help the group with P10. This will insight something like P8, probably, and I can approach at O3. Seems very natural to me. Let's see if this happens.]
;W[qg]WL[1431.424]
;B[qe]BL[1470.634]C[Yes, continue...]
;W[oj]WL[1423.53]
;B[ol]BL[1466.975]
;W[nq]WL[1420.941]
;B[pq]BL[1463.46]C[Hmm. This catches me a little off guard. He is thick and strong here, and my stone at O3 seems lonely.
I want to make a base at L3, but what if the order were different? If I already had L3 played, playing at O3 next after Q3 would be playing close to thickness, and not that great.
But I can't avoid having played O3, because I already played it... Tewari is confusing...
So, maybe I still help this stone. But if I play L3, I just get attacked easily... Maybe play high for more influence...? L4.]
;W[kp]WL[1286.541]
;B[iq]BL[1450.314]C[Hmm. I guess I kick him to make him heavy and prevent his slide.]
;W[jq]WL[1279.22]
;B[ip]BL[1444.46]C[Now take away his base...
]
;W[fq]WL[1266.502]C[(**Post-game thinking: Debated between this and L6. Maybe L6 is better, but I don't know.**)]
;B[ko]BL[1438.777]C[He can punish me a bit. I suppose if I live in here, that is sufficient.]
;W[lo]WL[1263.546]
;B[jo]BL[1435.912]C[If I M6, though... I think he can cut at M4. I don't see a way to kill a cut at M4. (I actually read a few sequences, I'm so proud of myself!)]
;W[mo]WL[1244.034]
;B[mm]BL[1431.238]C[M7 and he can cut, but then I can atari at O7, follow at O8, then atari P8. ]
;W[lm]WL[1241.273]
;B[ln]BL[1424.256]
;W[mn]WL[1229.974]
;B[kn]BL[1422.58]
;W[nm]WL[1228.84]
;B[ml]BL[1421.295]
;W[nl]WL[1226.846]
;B[nk]BL[1410.41]
;W[mk]WL[1223.772]
;B[ll]BL[1408.563]
;W[ok]WL[1221.207]
;B[nn]BL[1405.809]C[Should have read a little further. I didn't intend to get cut here, and assumed I'd have time to come back and protect.
I did try reading this time, but it was not enough. Still, better than some of my other games.]
;W[om]WL[1214.497]
;B[on]BL[1403.172]
;W[pm]WL[1211.107]
;B[pn]BL[1401.562]C[OK, miai to excape with Q7, so I will need to help M5 out a bit.
I made a mistake in reading, I have to pay a little bit of cost.]
;W[ir]WL[1195.138]
;B[qm]BL[1396.1]
;W[pl]WL[1187.101]
;B[hr]BL[1391.465]
;W[jr]WL[1181.123]
;B[gq]BL[1390.322]C[I don't know how to answer N2. So I need to protect again.]
;W[or]WL[1177.052]
;B[pr]BL[1386.95]
;W[ps]WL[1175.258]
;B[rs]BL[1364.293]C[OK. Now, I believe I am alive no matter where he plays.
I should counter his influence at K5. He has a nice wall. I could D6. D10 seems like a more global counter.
I could bring out M7, but let's leave that aji for him to fix.]
;W[dj]WL[1153.437]
;B[kl]BL[1348.414]C[Let's peep for good measure...]
;W[jm]WL[1149.981]
;B[km]BL[1345.78]C[Now what? Globally, the top is the largest area. However, his thickness is still significant. I will spend another move to help the left side, as an invasion is highly likely.
]
;W[cn]WL[1112.874]C[(**Post-game thinking: K16 may have been better. What do you think?**)]
;B[nj]BL[1339.995]C[This seems quite small to me. However, I should protect myself in gote to keep a strong shape. I will force atari at O11, then come back to protect at R9.]
;W[ni]WL[1109.407]
;B[mj]BL[1337.518]
;W[mi]WL[1108.049]
;B[lj]BL[1335.122]
;W[qk]WL[1106.394]
;B[df]BL[1319.089]C[Nice and easy, let's play F16 to defend.]
;W[fd]WL[1077.823]
;B[hc]BL[1287.754]C[Protecting corner "territory" is no good. However, I think G15 might work here. I can threaten two things: To attack H17, or to attack D14.]
;W[ge]WL[1063.816]
;B[fb]BL[1282.129]C[He helped H17, so let us attack D14. E13.]
;W[eg]WL[1057.091]
;B[di]BL[1275.416]C[E11 might be good.. Well, he can play lightly and go to C10 after. Maybe C11? Same idea with E10... Let's play firmly at E10. The exchange helps white, I think, and I can attack him more severely later.]
;W[ej]WL[1047.799]
;B[ei]BL[1268.533]
;W[fi]WL[1045.949]
;B[cj]BL[1263.646]C[Atari at D9 allows F12, then I E12, and he has several cutting points. I would like to C11 immediately to exploit his shape now.]
;W[ci]WL[970.759]
;B[ch]BL[1242.176]
;W[bi]WL[967.148]
;B[dh]BL[1240.232]C[Seems passive of him. I shall capture his stone at C10. Then if he F12, I cut him.]
;W[ck]WL[962.716]
;B[fh]BL[1227.225]
;W[eh]WL[941.158]
;B[gh]BL[1216.49]
;W[ff]WL[923.134]
;B[fj]BL[1211.555]
;W[gi]WL[921.037]
;B[gj]BL[1210.411]
;W[hi]WL[919.343]C[Hmm. It makes me slightly nervouse that he might have a move around E15. If I play E16 to protect, then F15 has two cutting points at G14 and G16. However, I cannot fix this now. He is forcing me.]
;B[hh]BL[1208.071]
;W[hj]WL[916.6]
;B[hk]BL[1205.912]C[I'd like to envelop G10, but I can't do that cleanly right now, and he can play J12 if I ignore H12 group. So I will atari at J12, and come back to attack G10 if it is desirable later.]
;W[ih]WL[910.622]
;B[ig]BL[1198.553]
;W[ji]WL[888.711]
;B[hf]BL[1172.132]C[I should protect against E15...]
;W[bh]WL[872.03]
;B[cf]BL[1149.726]
;W[ik]WL[854.45]
;B[hl]BL[1138.269]
;W[jg]WL[820.669]C[Now live with this group, and we should be able to capture C14.]
;B[kh]BL[1132.223]
;W[if]WL[800.495]
;B[hg]BL[1128.452]
;W[jh]WL[790.486]
;B[he]BL[1118.498]C[Hmm. His play at C16 would be bothersome. Maybe I cannot kill him then. I should spend another move here. However, E15 is still a threat, so I should protect against it. But how should I do that in sente?
And from the big picture, I don't want to help him get more strength at around J16 because that's a potential area for me to invade later. Maybe I can G17 to protect the cut in sente. ]
;W[gc]WL[720.916]
;B[gb]BL[1112.347]C[Now protect at K15 to threaten more toward top, then come back and cleanly capture C14.]
;W[je]WL[705.514]
;B[hd]BL[1089.697]
;W[bd]WL[674.462]C[Yes, done and done.]
;B[ee]BL[1085.203]C[Woah, woah, woah. Woops.
This is what happens when I let my guard down for a second! H16 defeats the purpose of G17. I need to be careful of this!..
What can I do?Well, I guess I can E16. If he then does F15, I atari at E14. He plays D15 to save from atari. Then I atari at C13. If he saves at D13, I play B14, and he's totally captured. B-D
(**Post-game thinking: This is a little wrong. He can E14 after I E16, and then if I try to keep him captured with F13, he can F15. This way, when I atari at C13, after he does D13, he still has 3 liberties, and my group has only two, so he escapes with everything.**)]
;W[ed]WL[575.173]
;B[fe]BL[1076.334]
;W[ef]WL[529.209]
;B[de]BL[1073.429]C[Hmm, he can still save D15 group, but at least I get C12 group.]
;W[cg]WL[527.115]
;B[gf]BL[986.962]
;W[dg]WL[522.228]
;B[gd]BL[985.632]
;W[bf]WL[517.178]C[Ah well, gote, but he I saved my stones.]
;B[cc]BL[958.949]
;W[cd]WL[505.412]
;B[kd]BL[952.012]C[Hmm, that's a big point... What is the score right now?
(**Post-game thinking: I'm proud of myself for trying to count right here.**)
Hmm, I'm not *super* behind, so I should protect against invasion of bottom left corner. I will F2 to keep it around even. No need to get crazy in this game, yet.]
;W[fr]WL[416.006]
;B[gp]BL[932.124]C[Where shall I play? I don't see a lot of ways to get a ton of points in O14 area. Kind of gote if I play there. So I would like something that has some ation. Maybe I cut at G9. If he gives me G10 for free by playing G8, I ignore and play elsewhere.
But he might try to fight for those stones, which I would like since it would give me something active to do.
Yes, let's do that. But first, let's get L9 in to threaten connecting K7, before things get messy around H8.]
;W[kk]WL[261.979]
;B[lk]BL[925.879]
;W[gk]WL[252.604]
;B[oh]BL[875.005]C[Hmm, tenuki.
Connecting is so... boring and submissive. I could O13. But then he can break through with O12, N12, P13, P14 O14, N13 Q14 P15. I would like to atari at Q15, but he has too many liberties. I only have 3.
If I play S16 first, his natural response is S15. Then when I atari, I can capture.
(**See variation for my incorrect reasoning..**)]
(;W[rd]WL[79.765]
;B[re]BL[866.248]
;W[ng]WL[72.642]
;B[og]BL[856.154]
;W[of]WL[70.504]
;B[pf]BL[853.103]
;W[pg]WL[68.876]
;B[nf]BL[850.679]
;W[oe]WL[65.293]
;B[ne]BL[846.982]C[Hmm, woops. That doesn't work. I've lost a few points here... What do I do? Well, maybe I can force at N16 and try to get some points back on the top.]
;W[md]WL[30]OW[5]
;B[od]BL[838.744]
;W[jd]WL[30]OW[5]
;B[kc]BL[826.503]
;W[jc]WL[30]OW[5]
;B[oi]BL[809.115]
;W[lg]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[kf]BL[797.438]C[Hmm. If I protect K14, he L13, and it thwarts me. I'd like to L13, but then he cuts me at K14 and it's a pity.
However, I can then L15. If he doesn't let me connect by playing M14, I atari at N14, if he M15, I atari again at N15, and it's double atari!
Yeah!
(**Post-game thinking: I'm proud of myself for trying read here.**)]
;W[kg]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[jf]BL[795.693]
;W[ke]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[lf]BL[792.929]
;W[mf]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[ie]BL[741.199]
;W[me]WL[30]OW[4]C[Yes!]
;B[pe]BL[738.259]
;W[mc]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[jb]BL[690.09]C[Darn, I'd like to keep those stones.. But if I play J18, and he L18, if I J17, he can connect with N18.
I will O18 first.
]
;W[nb]WL[30]OW[4]
;B[lb]BL[679.425]C[Hmm, didn't read this well. If I protect at N18, he can now cut at M15. So I can go back and save M15, but then he cuts at N18... Which is bigger? I think the corner is. I'll let him cut at M15.]
;W[mb]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[le]BL[674.4]
;W[ld]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[if]BL[671.917]
;W[pb]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[nh]BL[648.899]
;W[mg]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[mh]BL[647.38]
;W[li]WL[30]OW[3]
;B[rh]BL[608.628]C[That's too much, isn't it? Can't I block at S13? He can't R12...]
;W[rg]WL[30]OW[3]C[(Right after playing move - I'm now in byoyomi..) Doh! He can play R11, I think!]
;B[qi]BL[598.777]C[And yes he does. What do I play? (*I read various moves, including Q11 and S11, but couldn't see something satisfactory in the time I had. So I figured I'd S9, threaten R6 and S11 in miai.]
;W[rk]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[pj]BL[586.949]
;W[qn]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[rn]BL[578.849]
;W[qo]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[pi]BL[557.936]
;W[pk]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ro]BL[553.939]
;W[qp]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[oq]BL[530.682]C[Hmm, it's a pity... I hope I can live there, but I've gotta live here, too. This is urgent here, though...]
;W[rp]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[nr]BL[528.614]
;W[mr]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[os]BL[526.62]
;W[np]WL[30]OW[1]C[OK, threaten to connect, then protect.. Wait, I have to help against S7 if he protects by taking a liberty at Q5...]
;B[po]BL[478.076]
;W[rm]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[rr]BL[446.088]C[OK, he gave me another move. I will protect against the potential M2.]
;W[ms]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[qs]BL[436.134]C[Whew, I got out of that with sente??
Yeehaw!
Where is big? I can still do S11 ko, but maybe first grab R17. Then he HAS to stop or have ko for his whole group. Let's force H8 first to get some points down there, then come back.
I think I can see a chance of victory here...]
;W[gl]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[hm]BL[429.689]
;W[gm]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[hn]BL[418.252]C[And now back to R17.]
;W[qc]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[eo]BL[374.909]C[Hmm. Let's answer him. I don't want him to do 3-3.]
;W[dq]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[em]BL[366.788]C[OK. Now is my chance. S11!]
;W[ri]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[si]BL[362.08]
;W[sj]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[rj]BL[360.045]
;W[dn]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[en]BL[347.803]
;W[ri]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[lh]BL[338.549]
;W[ki]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[rj]BL[336.687]
;W[sd]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[se]BL[299.329]
;W[ri]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[sh]BL[259.326]
;W[qh]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[rj]BL[258.062]
;W[fp]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[gn]BL[250.007]
;W[ri]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[ob]BL[194.93]
;W[sg]WL[30]OW[1]
;B[rb]BL[185.093]
;W[oa]WL[30]OW[1]C[Thene he resigned.])
(;W[]
;B[]
;W[rd]
;B[re]C[I thought this exchange was key...]
;W[ng]
;B[og]
;W[of]
;B[pf]
;W[pg]
;B[nf]
;W[oe]
;B[nh]
;W[pe]
;B[qf]
;W[qd]C[I imagined something like this, aiming to capture the R15 stones. Of course, this doesn't work since black can play S13 here, and also for the reason shown in the game.
I'm glad I made a plan and read it out and tried to follow it.
I am not glad that I misread.
]))
No, I don't think that I did. But I think that I was a little bit closer than usual. There are at least three distinct parts of the game where I remember feeling that I didn't really want to read what would happen, but I read the situation out, made a plan, and acted accordingly. But that was for only three board positions of the 218 moves we played.
So I cannot call myself a "seeker of truth", yet. I haven't experienced the "world of difference". But, again, I think I'm a little bit closer. Perhaps I am a "seeker of the essence of seeking for truth". Or perhaps, I'm simply still a tad too lazy.
I also learned today that it is exceedingly difficult to be a "seeker of truth" in the limited time I have to play the game. I play games ranging from blitz to around 30 minutes a game (plus byo-yomi). Given a conservative estimate of a 200 move game, that's about 9 seconds per move (without byo-yomi). In reality, I only play half of those moves, and byo-yomi accounts for a lot. But the point remains that I have to make important decisions - difficult ones for a seeker of truth - in a very short amount of time.
So I am starting to believe that it is important to use each second in a game without waste. How can the "truth be sought" with these time constraints? I suppose it can only be sought by trying one's very best within the time that is allotted.
instantly or playing 
here is too easy on Black and doesn't focus on the corner appropriately. Black has a good followup at A or B here; then the corner is open at C or G; and after White D Black still can reduce the area with moves such as E/F so White won't gain enough in this area.
exchange, above, benefit black?
. This trade of the upper left for the upper right would leave White well positioned. The initial 
is easier to play. The stone at 
May I suggest, following Jowa's advice, that you take time around move 100 to assess the position and plan your play?