Life In 19x19

Well, I havent been playing Go for long but I still love the game. Like in a weird way it scares me. Everything around me looks like black and white stones and I constantly think of how to surround them. Even if its a crowd of people.

But that isn't my problem. My problem is that my play has been off lately. I started to study a more advanced way of play and thought "yea, I can do that." And I did, I did it right. But I lost. ANd lost, and lost, and lost.

Its weird because I can tell the players are weak. I have beaten players much, much, stronger. But now I lose so much I receive the pity handicap. Its embarrassing. Getting a pity handicap from a beginner is embarrassing as hell.

Im sure Im losing because of my inexperience with this new style of play but I was just so tired of playing the same moves over and over never taking a single piece and focusing on territory. Its just that I kinda hate shoving my opponent into a corner all the time and building a tremendous wall. So I got more violent. Maybe I have been making a lot of ignorant and unsafe moves but I just hate how boring it is play the same style.

I just cant get the proper rush off of that. BUt now Im depressed. I have ruined my play so bad. I can read the opponent but I still make really dumb moves. I have damaged my game. Losing to my brother who has only played for 1 week is a big kick to the nuts.

I cant feel the flow of the stones properly anymore, my instincts are destroyed. But I still cant stop thinking about Go.

Its strange how I play myself in my head and I lose to myself. I make dumb moves even in my mind. I think I learned a series of bad habits.

Any idea of what I should do? I dont want to go back to my old way of play. But I cant seem to master this new one, or this new play is something people are used to and the old one may have been better.

Im in a slump.

a) Post games on here for people to look at

b) Every time you gain more knowledge of how to play, it's pretty common to lose some games as you build the new knowledge into your game, so don't get depressed about it

c) Post games on here for people to look at

Old play, end game, 9x9. Black


New style, 13x13. Black







End

Bad examples, I know. But I don't really keep a kifu of my games... so I played a random person.

Its sloppy.

I don't have a losing game on hand. But I can get one easily with the streak I have been going through.

I've gotten to a high level of competition in martial arts and badminton, and I daresay there was a time I played a fantastic chess game. And I have to tell you that in every one of them, my progress has been one step forward, three steps back, one step forward, three steps forward, two steps back, one step back, five steps forward, one step back, etc...

Eventually you'll come out ahead. And I can honestly say comparing my experience on a meta level between these and Go, that even though you might wish you had grasped such and such concept earlier, trust me when I say that every step is important and you will come out stronger for it in the end.

There are two steps to getting stronger in anything:

1) Keep trying
2) Keep enjoying

If you have 2, 1 will follow. If you don't have 2, 1 will only bring resentment to your endeavor and to yourself. And that's just destructive.

So keep at it, play for fun and wonder, lose a million games with a smile. One day you will be strong.

It's worth, if you're playing online or against an AI, saving and posting the .sgf game record file - one thing immediately strikes me is the contact plays you are playing in the new style. Playing like this is often not so good (or at least, the reasons for doing so are often more advanced than you'd realise right now).

Post a game record if you can, you should be able to save them to disk whether or not you're playing on KGS, IGS or against whatever program you have.

I am black.



Not my best, I made a few unnecessary moves I think I nearly lost.

If a 19x19 game is needed, I can post one.

some comments

Thank you, I have been trying to play more aggressively, and failed. I learned a lot from your comments, I will try to sharpen my play with them.