Bad jokes

[drmwc]

It's Friday, and I couldn't find another thread for this.

What's an anagram of the Banach Tarski paradox?
The Banach Banch Tarski Tarski paradox paradox.

My girlfriend asked is I could sing Wonderwall by Oasis. I replied "Maybe"...

I hear Boris Johnson may become Sir Johnson. Then London will have a bloody Knight Mayor.

They call it puppy love . Unfortunately, the judge called it gross indecency with an animal and gave me six months.

What did the fish say when it swam into the concrete wall? Dam!

My helium addiction is out of control but nobody is taking my cry for help seriously.

I am writing a film about someone who shoots his girlfriend whilst she is in his toilet. I am sure there is an Oscar in it...

The inventor of autocorrect has died. I didn't even know he was I'll. His funfair will be hello on Sundial.

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Déjáv!
Déjáv who?
Knock Knock!

[Abyssinica]

Why couldn't the skeleton ask the girl out?

He was dead.

[Rowen]

What type of coffee does Dracula drink?

De-coffinated

[virre]

Swedish bad jokes on a theme (badly translated by me)

How do you get an elephant into the fridge?

Open door.
Put elephant in fridge
Close door

How do you know there is two elephants in the fridge?

You can not close the door

How do you get a giraff into the fridge?

Remove the elephant

-----

Musican jokes (But maybe they are to good for here)

What is the difference between a bodhran player and a terrorist?

Terrorists have sympathisers.

Why are viola jokes so short?

So violinists can understand them.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat minor.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Twelve. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it better.

What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.

Then there was the mandolin player who got addicted to playing waltzes. It was so bad, he had to go into rehab.
It was a three-step program!

What's the biggest difference between an F style mando and an A style?

The F will burn longer.

(Though if you touch my F-style mandolin (which I admit I can not play at all), I will get rather upset)

Female five string banjoist shouting at her boyfriend in a crowded shopping mall: "Don't forget, sweetheart, I need a new G string."

[Fedya]

My grandfather went to school with MC Escher.

For Grandpa, the walk really was uphill both ways.

[tj86430]

Virre's elephant jokes reminded me of these:

How does an elephant get up to a tree?

It sits on a seed and waits for it to grow.

How does an elephant get down from a tree?

In the autumn it falls with the leaves

Why is it dangerous to walk in the woods during autumn?

You might be hit by an elephant

[tj86430]

And there's also this:

How do you sink a Swedish submarine?

You wait until it is submerged and then knock on the door

[virre]

And there's also this:

How do you sink a Swedish submarine?

You wait until it is submerged and then knock on the door

Ah yes and in Sweden it is

How do you sink a Norweigan submarine

[DrStraw]

Ah yes and in Sweden it is

How do you sink a Norweigan submarine

These jokes are all over the world. They always involved some neighboring nation. But several decades ago I was told by a Pole that in Poland they always involved Polish policemen. Is there anyone on this forum and confirm or deny that?

[Inkwolf]

Well. while we're on the subject--

Why do elephants wear polka-dot sneakers?

So they can hide in cherry trees. Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? No? there, see how good it works?

[hyperpape]

Ah yes and in Sweden it is

How do you sink a Norweigan submarine

These jokes are all over the world. They always involved some neighboring nation. But several decades ago I was told by a Pole that in Poland they always involved Polish policemen. Is there anyone on this forum and confirm or deny that?

Growing up in North Carolina, I heard similar jokes about Polish firing squads.

I have no idea why--there was not a significant Polish population where I lived, and unlike the significant racism towards African-Americans and Hispanics, I don't think anyone had any attitudes about Poles. That was just how the joke went.

[Bantari]

Ah yes and in Sweden it is

How do you sink a Norweigan submarine

These jokes are all over the world. They always involved some neighboring nation. But several decades ago I was told by a Pole that in Poland they always involved Polish policemen. Is there anyone on this forum and confirm or deny that?

I can confirm that.
Policemen were considered to be the dumbest of the dumb when I was young, in the communist times. No offense to any present-day polish policemen.

To give you some taste of polish "policeman jokes", here are a few:

"Abstract" jokes:
A policeman stands on the corner and thinks. (Supposed to be hilarious because policemen don't think.)
A policeman walks out of a library. (Supposed to be hilarious because policemen do not read.)
And so on...

Here is a more "normal" one:
A policeman walks by a pet store, there is an aquarium in the display. Some guy looks at the fish, moves his finger along the glass, and soon all the fishes follow his finger. "Hey, that's cool, how do you do it?" asks the policeman. "Its simple, the lower intelligence always mimics the higher intelligence" answers the guy. The guy walks off, leaving the policeman to look at the fishes. Pretty soon the policeman starts to open and close his mouth as if gasping for air...

[Uberdude]

On that topic:

What's the contour integral around Western Europe?

Zero, because the Poles are in Eastern Europe.

[drmwc]

How do you get to Wales in a Mini?

Down the M4 from London.

How do you get to Wales in a Mini?

M4? No, it's one in the front seat, one in the back.

[tapir]

Growing up in North Carolina, I heard similar jokes about Polish firing squads. ... I have no idea why--there was not a significant Polish population where I lived.

German Americans?