Bad jokes

[Inkwolf]

I grew up in a Polish-American area (some of the old people still spoke Polish back then)and all they told were Polish jokes. I had a Mexican pen pal from Arizona, and they told the exact same jokes, except they were Spanish jokes.

Here's one of the stupid racist jokes from my childhood.

It was a really hot day. A guy was sitting in the shade when a white man walked past carrying an electric fan. "Why are you carrying that fan?" the guy asked. The white man said, "If I get too hot, all I have to do is find an electric outlet, plug the fan in and cool off."

A little while later, a black man walked by carrying a huge watermelon. "Why are you carrying that watermelon?" the guy asked. The black guy said, "If I get too hot, all I have to do is bust open this watermelon, eat some chilled goodness, and cool off."

A little while later, a Polish man walked by carrying a car door."Why are you carrying that car door?" the guy asked. The Polish man said, "If I get too hot, all I have to do is roll down the window and cool off."

[drmwc]

I fell over in some purple flowers.

I must be more careful in the fuchsia.

[Bill Spight]

When I was living in New Mexico there were, for unknown reasons, jokes about people from the city of Española. Here is one.

Two Española men were found frozen to death in January in their car at the local drive-in movie. They had gone to see Closed for the Season. They might have escaped from their car, but they had locked themselves in.

[Bill Spight]

Here is one that will work surprisingly often.

You: I got a good knock-knock joke. You wanna hear it?

Soon to be ex-friend: OK.

You: Say, "Knock knock."

Soon to be ex-friend: Knock knock.

You: Who's there?

[Bill Spight]

A narc-narc joke from the hippie days:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

J. Edgar Hoover.

Oh, wow!

[Bill Spight]

Darwinian explanation for why what goes up must come down:

All the stuff that didn't come down has gone away.

[Bill Spight]

A society matron knocks on the door of a house. A small boy answers the door.

Matron: Young man, is your mother home?

Boy: Naw, she ain't here now.

Matron: Young man! Where is your grammar?

Boy: She ain't here neither.

[Bill Spight]

One of the local civics clubs contributes to a nearby insane asylum, and members pay a visit once a year on a Sunday afternoon. One of the members notices a man sitting by a flower garden with a fishing pole. The fishing line is dangling amongst the flowers. To humor the man, the member asks him, "How many have you caught today?"

The man replies, "You're the third."

[drmwc]

I'm thining of football...

http://abstrusegoose.com/99

3 logicians walk into a bar...

[EdLee]

Abstruse Goose comic (544) -- subfield

[ez4u]

http://abstrusegoose.com/565

[drmwc]

This one is allegedly true, about the late, great David Hilbert.

Hilbert had a student who one day presented him with a paper purporting to prove the Riemann Hypothesis. Hilbert studied the paper carefully and was really impressed by depth of the argument; but unfortunately he found an error in it which even he could not eliminate. The following year the student died. Hilbert asked the grieving parents if he might be permitted to make a funeral oration. While the student's relatives and friends were weeping beside the grave in the rain, Hilbert came forward. He began by saying what a tragedy it was that such a gifted young man had died before he had had an opportunity to show what he could accomplish. But, he continued, in spite of the fact that this young man's proof of the Riemann Hypothesis contained an error, it was still possible that some day a proof of the famous problem would be obtained along the lines which the deceased had indicated. "In fact," he continued with enthusiasm, standing there in the rain by the dead student's grave, "let us consider a function of a complex variable...."

Source:http://books.google.com/books?id=qsoqLNQUIJMC&pg=PA186#v=onepage&q&f=false

[Bill Spight]

The story goes that Bertrand Russell and his wife allowed their 5 year old daughter to go naked in their house. One afternoon a local Episcopal vicar decides, for reasons best know to himself, to pay a visit on the Russell household. When he knocks on the front door, young Miss Russell answers it. Seeing the naked child, the vicar exclaims, "Dear God!" Miss Russell replies, "God is dead," and slams the door.

[janne]

What did the criminal said to the victim?

Ha, I got you!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the road was too rough on the chicken!

[drmwc]

How do you tell the gender of an ant? Drop it in water.

If it sinks, it is a a girl ant.
If it floats, it is boy ant.