Don't know what else to do but push behind. It's gotta be bad, but getting sealed in is bad, too. The only consolation is that the wall I'm building up here will be helpful in the bottom left area:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$c
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O . X X . X X . . . . O O O O . . |
$$ | . . . O . O . O . , . . . . X X X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . . . . . X O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . O . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O O X . X O . . . . . . . . X . . |
$$ | . . O X . X O X . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O X . X O O O O . . . . . , . . . |
$$ | . . X X X . B B B B . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . X O O O . O . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . X O X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O O . O O C . . . . . . . W . . . |
$$ | . . . O . O X . O , . . . X . , X . . |
$$ | . . . . X X . . . . . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

It's useful to have the marked stones in relation to the marked areas (black cut + attack on white stone).

The problem is, of course, that I'm pushing from behind and giving white benefit in the top center:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$c
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O . X X . X X . . . . O O O O . . |
$$ | . . . O . O . O . , . . . . X X X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . C C C . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . C C C C . . . . . X O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . O C C C C . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O O X . X O C C C . . . . . X . . |
$$ | . . O X . X O X C C C . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O X . X O O O O O . . . . , . . . |
$$ | . . X X X . X X X X . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . X O O O . O . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . X O X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O O . O O . . . . . . . . O . . . |
$$ | . . . O . O X . O , . . . X . , X . . |
$$ | . . . . X X . . . . . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

Maybe this pushing from behind puts me behind. But I think it's still possible to recover. We'll see.

These days, I've been posting on L19 about how I haven't been studying Go that seriously (Fact check: True.).

I've pointed out that, when I put less effort into my study, I don't really care as much about losing (Fact check: False.). As I'm playing games on and off again, I'm starting to discover that I was wrong: whether or not I study, I do care.

The effort I put into the game varies. And sometimes I slack off. But throughout all, I do care about the result. I suppose that makes it regrettable that I slack off, sometimes.

Anyway, I hope I don't lose this game.

Have to think if I can make a way for the hane to work without him cutting:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$c
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O . X X . X X . . . . O O O O . . |
$$ | . . . O . O . O . , . . . . X X X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . . . . . X O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . O . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O O X . X O . . . . . . . . X . . |
$$ | . . O X . X O X . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O X . X O O O O . . . . . , . . . |
$$ | . . X X X . X X X X O . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . X O O O . O . . W B . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . X O X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O O . O O . . . . . . . . O . . . |
$$ | . . . O . O X . O , . . . X . , X . . |
$$ | . . . . X X . . . . . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

Not sure how I'll handle it yet, though.

If it's not too much trouble, would you mind writing a bit about your plan and what alternatives you have considered for the last move? Also, how did you feel like your attack went? Do you think the result around that area is even or better for one side?

The last few moves were almost forced. I didn't even think much about other alternatives. I could have captured H11 and G12 directly before, but my feeling was that my stones will get overconcentrated that way. After I chose to extend with J10, up to here seems to be almost one way path. Black's response here is not easy. Usually he should be able to hane or cut, but neither seem to work out clearly. I'm even expecting black playing the empty triangle. And of course this kind of situation is very happy for my side. Black's bad haengma on the left side is now causing problems. I played the right side first to see what I can get there, but since black happily took gote, I had no more choice than to attack the left side. The result up to here seems satisfactory for white.

What can I do? It's so painful I want to resign.

He doesn't have *that* many points yet, so I will hold off on resign for now.

But he definitely won this battle.

losing

Game is not that fun when it's like this.

I did the sente exchange because black can go desperate and make a ko. I don't think that would be a good ko for black but just want to avoid some possible future headaches. If black responds my last move somewhere in the lower left corner, I'll try to find a strong move to seal black's group. If black just goes out, capturing the two stones seems thick and big.

This seems to be the only move if I ever want to keep black hard to go out. I also thought about some alternatives such as letting black capture my J3 stones while I reduce black's right side. But I still lack the ability of correct positional judgement, so let me just keep fighting till end.

If you're going to go down, why not go down in flames?