9 stone handicap against a player of similar strenght

[Sennahoj]

Why would you feel the need to call him out at all? I don't think you can really expect the rest of the world to adjust to your behavioral desires.

Don't know exactly why, "it annoyed me" is I guess the most honest answer I can give. It was stupid though, and I will work harder to suppress similar impulses in future. However, just because I give an opinion about something certainly does not mean that I "expect the world to adjust"!

[Bonobo]

[..]

Don't know exactly why, "it annoyed me" is I guess the most honest answer I can give.

Thanks, makes it easier to understand.

It was stupid though, and I will work harder to suppress similar impulses in future. However, just because I give an opinion about something certainly does not mean that I "expect the world to adjust"!

Respect!

I’m not sure, though, whether suppressing the impulse really is healthy … for myself, I find that it feels better for me if I analyze the impulse and its genesis … and for this it helps me very often, especially (but not only) when talking to the other involved person, if I change the wording, e.g. the active/passive, so that instead of saying, “it annoyed me”, “you hurt me”, etc., I wish to change on my internal processing of this by changing it to “I felt annoyed by it (and why exactly, what were my expectations, and how did I perceive “it”)”, or “I felt hurt by what you did/said (and why exactly, etc.)”, etc. I have found that this makes communication about conflict a LOT easier if I talk about myself in this way, about my feelings and perceptions (and perhaps putting them in perspective with my expectations), instead of talking about the other person, which, no matter how I try to keep it “neutral” or “objective” (which of course is impossible) will always contain a slight flavour of blame.

<edit> Also, by talking about me, my feelings, etc. and by changing the active/passive, I become an actor again, I can escape from the “victim game”. </edit>
<edit 2> And when I am not “the victim” anymore, I liberate the other one from feeling forced into the role of the perpetrator. </edit 2>

Of course it is easier for me to speak “wise words” than always to act accordingly, as can perhaps be seen a few comments above this and elsewhere