For the love of the game

[kwhyte]

I've introduced myself in other threads, and posted some games for analysis, but finally decided to start a journal here. I've been away from the game for a long time, and have just picked it up again. I'm sure I'll have a lot of stupid things to say. To start, what has changed the most for me over time are my reasons for playing. Once I just wanted to get stronger, and almost elevated understanding of the game to the level of a moral virtue. Now, with a career, children, and a lot more perspective, that all seems a bit silly. The game is a hobby, and I do it because it is fun, interesting, and satisfying. Before I was crushed or elated depending on whether I could push my rank up a stone or two, and wins and losses at the weekly club would stick with me until the next meeting. In fact, one of the reasons I started to play much less over time was that I just cared too much about my results. I still have a hard time letting go of stupid moves, but now I find it hard to care if I win. Before, if I knew my opponent's weaknesses I'd try to move the game in that direction so I could increase my chances of a victory. Now, I'm more likely to try to play to their strength to get the most interesting game I can. Basically, I'm now just looking to see what I can get out of the game and taking it much less seriously. One aspect of this is that I now enjoy studying the game (via interesting books, replaying games, or just thinking about it) at least as much as actually playing. Probably this means I will not get stronger as fast as I could, and I will not spend time on things like life and death or endgame problems once they start to feel like work - even if I know they would help me win more. After all, I am not and will never be a pro - I'm not playing because I can get something out of winning, I'm playing because I enjoy the process.

Anyway, enough babbling. I promise my next post will have actual positions in it.

[EdLee]

Nice, kwhyte.

[RBerenguel]

Hi kwhyte!

I hope your study goes along nicely, and I'm waiting to see what your plan or steps are. You can check my own study journal here, too

See you again, and if you happen to play in KGS, please let me know and maybe we can fire a game.

[kwhyte]

So, life has obviously interfered. I still have a lot of thoughts I'd like to share on how/why I play, but haven't managed to write them coherently. I have been reading the forums on and off, and finally started playing again. I have made a commitment to myself to post my games with thoughts. Hopefully people will find the comments useful/amusing, and I welcome any feedback or questions about either the moves or the comments.

http://www.lifein19x19.com/forum/download/file.php?id=2964