As an outside observer, you seem very confident that you should win. You should know, Violence isn't that much weaker than you (on KGS he's usually 2-3d, and the middle-game is when he is strongest. He's pulled off many wins against people who are rated stronger. Underestimating your opponent is one of the most dangerous things you can do. Assuming that you "deserve" a win is the quickest way to put yourself on tilt.

I think the best way to calm your nerves is to recognize that he's decent, and remove your ego from the equation, it will become much easier to play your kind of game again.

EDIT: that being said, I think you SHOULD talk about how you pick moves to try to get back into the game, weaker players would benefit from that

thank you for your kind advice..
2-3 dan in kgs is definitely weaker than i am. i usually dont lose to 3D in KGS so i shouldnt lose to him on even game. not only that..i can see from his comment that he is weaker.
it is the grudge i got from the comment he put on kirby-magicwand game that rattled my emotion.
i was waiting for this match and wanted to show him that he is not of equal strength.
it is more than overconfidence...i wanted to show him that i can beat him whatever way he choose to play.
well...i guess not

Oh, sorry, your info under your name says 3d KGS, is that wrong?. I'm 4d KGS, and while my record against 3d's is good, I still make a point never to underestimate them, especially when I'm ahead. I have no doubt that under the right circumstances, a 2d KGS could beat me, and I might win against a 6d. Ranks are sometimes bad indicators of comparative strength...

I can see that he rattled you. You both have very different styles of play, and I wonder about how accurately each of you gauges the other. You each see the other as weaker, because you are both playing toward different goals and so you both feel like you are accomplishing what you are after.